I've found a friend who died for me

my life seems pretty boring compared to others.. stayed at home during cny.. juz dun feel like going out and see ppl.. too tired wif life n stress.. hav been slping alot recently.. tat wad my life currently revolves around.. many tings happened seems unimportant too me now.. mayb im starting to turn back into the monster i once used to be..

hav been quite unsoicable n unfriendly recently.. probably becoz my relationship wif God has been getting worse.. i do look upon him, juz tat i dun find the comfort n peace i used to hav before.. i noe im selfish, im self-centred.. mayb im trying to run away from the truth.. but i am weak by nature.. i juz dun trust the ppl around me.. those images keep haunting me.. so lonely i am, but help i do not wan..

dissapointing i noe i am.. i hav not been giving my best to my commitement.. one such gd e.g is council.. i hav been giving excuses to run away from my duties.. irresponsible.. but i reali do feel i hav nothing to give to council.. i am too disappointed wif it.. all of my efforts put into it seems vain.. tink of it, y did i gave up odac for council? y didt i choose to reject the position of exco when i was voted to be one? im so tired wif the "good boy" image i hav to give daily.. such a bootlicker life i hav to endure.. haiz.. juz few more months to give n its over.. initially wanted to step down rite after orientation, but su convinced me not too.. thx su.. u hav been veri supportive at the darkest times i been through.. still, many troubles n probs surround me and they ar aleady clouding my judgement..

ppl keep saying i should voice out my probs bottling inside me, so tat they could help n help me feel better.. yeah.. i too said the same ting to others.. but i juz cant practise wad i preached..

" juz tell me ur prob.. i can help.."
" y dun u share? i can be a good listener "
" dun worry and stay happy "

yar.. all these i said to others all the times.. i too seem to smile alot.. but deep inside me, im reali struggling.. dere ar so many tings the world fail to understand.. the power of love.. it has faded ever since.. yep, y dun i share my prob? i do always ask myself tat.. but does it help? ppl share their prob becoz they cant handle them and cant bottle them in themselve..they share their prob to u, u share ur prob to them.. wad a vicious cycle.. tat where i begin to start keeping prob to myself.. sharing is juz a way to push ur prob away, hoping it wun cum back.. everyone has their prob.. sharing will further increase the burden of those who ar already facing them..

im not blaming those who often share their prob wif me or i dun wan to listen to urs.. i dun mind listening to them.. juz tat, ppl ar always so insensitive nowdae.. tink we hav the need to learn how to be more careful wif our words.. still remb the dae sch celebrated the cny on fri.. after sch, i bottled everyting out onto songhoe.. thx alot dere.. still dun feel any better.. instead, i gave songhoe the extra worries he had to go through becoz of me.. haiz.. need to be more careful in future..

k.. i shall end here.. dere more to worry abt in life in all aspects.. still i will try to be strong, wif the strength from God, i will preserve till the end.. sry...

haiz.. hav to cum back to blog again coz im forced to.. world is getting out of hand ya.. ok, here go nothing.. HI KAYDA n HAZEL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! lol.. kinda dumb.. but enjoyed their companionship.. fun ppl.. too bad hazel overseas to study soon.. still not sure if kayda staying in pj too.. hmmm nvm ppl cum n go.. most important is to treasure the time spent wif them.. all the best in wadeva u ppl do yar..

well.. quite some time i didt blog already.. buzy wif lots of stuff.. hw n duties.. sick n boring.. gald tat i didt slp tat much now..

dunno wad to blog abt.. many tings happened but forgotten quite alot of them already.. mayb too insignificant already? hiaz, getting poor wif memory dere.. singapore is indeed an aging country..

cny was boring tis yr.. didt felt the mood.. no "feeling".. quite stagnant too.. lucky got friends to accompany too.. guess its a matter of time all the tradtions die within our generation.. gee.. means lesser holidaes too

keeping going out wif my friends.. spending leser n lesser time if my parents.. our conversation tend to b short n boring.. now olso lessons end pretty late in sch, the time spend even lesser.. hiaz.. im feel so foreign at home.. maybi should learn to spend more time wif them instead tis yr (:

well well well.. feels like palying bball now.. tinking of making thurs as my bball dae.. anyone interested can join ya? hehe.. openhse cuming soon, yet the brochure still not ready.. starting to feel the stress liao.. mind blank in sch at times.. so sry to ppl if i didt see ya in sch.. im reali not aware wad happening around me one.. (: now, i only wanto enjoy my holidays.. dere a long way ahead to go......

here juz to tink back the fun times we enjoyed together... (: dere more, but too lazy to upload all

caixiang

yuanxiao

songhoe

Dancing outside the CC near our sch(:

christine n jieyi

shahrin

grace

yvonne, grace,christine n yuanxiao

jieyi (in a daze)

Woot... Slp for 17hrs in a row.. woke up liao... should b feeling gd.. but more tired instead!! -__- hmm.. hav been busy catching up hw.. council has been taking up lot of zhao time : to socialise, to eat. to slp, to play, to exercise.. wateva la.. dust has been gathering on zhao ps2 liao..

hmmm.. sch life seems to resume back to normal liao.. less slping in lecture n class.. tings heard start to make more sense.. still, life in pj is still veri happening n unexpected.. cny cuming liao.. looking forward to slp more.. hong bao doest matter to zhao at all.. at most lesser revenue only (:

hmmm... the orientation weekis already over n everyone start getting down to serious work liao.. pretty worried tat the bonds everyone worked hard to form will fade slowly.. guess zhao should too start returning back to reality too.. the world waits for no one.. lots to catch up..

hav been slping alot in class.. hmmm.. tired.. not veri nice.. tchers knew tat zhao slet but didt reali scold coz they understand.. thxs a million.. (: muz rest more too.. slet through council meetings too.. not veri likely of zhao ya.. -___- less fun, more rest n study..

clazz hav been fun as normal.. funky n cool.. the "one for all, all for one" spirit is always dere.. endless laughter.. yesterdae pe lesson super funi.. tried javelin.. more like throwing frisbee.. hehe.. 05s17 u rox dere!!!

... back to serious stuff again.. ife kinda sucks at time.. always muz put up a false smile to everyone when u not happy.. if not tongues start wagging.. when will ever dere b a time where true peace cum?? tired.. tinking of u...

thx to these ppl, orientation would not be a strong succes.. so thx them ya

nootka ppl ( the ogls i worked wif, great to hav u ppl.. im honored to hav u )

0g 23 : song hoe -> my classmate n og mate in 1st 3 months.. fate has brought us together again n again.. haha.. great fun together.. nice n funky, neverending caring n concern too.. wonderful.. makes a great father in future..(: continue wif our jimmy 4 ya?

grace -> haha.. although u were the last to join the clan during ogl camp, u bonded wif u super fast.. she looks scary, but never judge a book by its cover.. veri loud n super enthu.. blast me off at instant!!! haha indeed a gal tat reali voice out how she feels.. often stand up for the weak.. a potential lady boss infuture(: thx

0g 24 : jiaxin -> wonderful n friendly gal.. veri thoughtful n considerate.. in fact peacemaker inthe clan.. everytime when the clan argued, she will stay quiet.. u reali help me out alot by doing tat.. always spare a thought for other but not herself.. hmmm... thx ya!!! (:

yuan xiao -> super enthu n loud guy.. the energy lvl in him never deplete lor.. mayb always got a adapter wif him around.. veri practical person.. lots of suff can be entrusted on him.. wonderful n cool ya.. thx (:

marilyn -> great dancer in nature.. wonder how u do those funky dance moves lor..wa!! kk stop it ya? if not cx sae u babie doll again.. loud n nice to socialise wif.. always hoping around endlessly.. haha.. probably due to the nootka spirit.. (: thx for ur support for the past months (:

0g 25 : christine -> veri understanding n friendly gal.. cares for everyone welfare too.. pissed her off quite a number of time.. dun angry ya? lol nevertheless,she leads the og wif gusto.. hav the goove to do it all ya.. haha.. Nootka? SAND!!! lol haha.. thx a million for tat.. (:

cai xiang -> one of the guys im closer to.. we confide in each other alot.. k la.. always try to acty gay or someting funny.. thx for the effort ya.. noe its tiring lor..thx for all the fun u gave u during the whole orientation.. wifout u, i dunno how to get the clan moving.. u got the MOJO!!! JOIN ME!!! haha.. thx..

Og 26 : shahrin -> a cool n funky guy.. super zai.. great enthu.. thx to u, the nootka ogls ar able to bond veri fast at the starting of ogl camp..always full of cool n inspiring ideas for nootka.. congra to u tat odac is back again.. haha.. can never pronounce my name clearly.. mr Z.. lol.. it does matter jiao qi or zhao zi.. lol most important is tat we stay on close together ya? (:

yvonne -> ur eyes scare me at 1st sight.. haha.. but u super crazy lor.. laugh can b veri scary one.. if u n yuanxiao same og, die liao.. thx for putting extra effort for the clan n og..they luv u alot ya???!!! loud n vocal.. u ar wonderful n great.. thx for everthing (:

Og 27 : Yong Hao -> need u around to enforce discipline n order... tis is ur best strength.. clam n cool when someting crop up.. thx u so much do be as a clan ic.. continue to rox on in wateva u do.. super fun cool...

Jie yi -> laugh at pratically anyting..scary ya... haha joyful n fun gal.. did great to ensure tat ur og is enjoying themselve... u hav been doing great... all the best to all pioneer!!! veri pretty n well liked by guys lol (: hehe

wellthe rest involved joseph, yixin, serene, laiyan n iatjoon.. tat wonderful to hav u pplso close together.. reali thx u ppl a million ya.. wootoo!!!

well tired again.. post the pics another dae la.. too lazy n tired.. hiaz.. busy dian..cya nootka byebye

... another bad dae..woke up late for meeting todae.. suppose to meet in sch at 9.30am for exco meeting.. but woke up at 9!!! gee... not veri nice.. still, zhao dilly daily.. left home at 10 plus.. muz change bad habit.. reach sch nothing much happen.. sianz as ever.. planned abt gradnite, mass bbq in sch, valentine dae etc.. wootoo!!! looking forward to valentine dae!!! yeah!!! can buy stuff for her..

den went to town wif su.. chatted lots of junk stuff.. same as ever.. lame n dumb..haha great time spent.. den went nydc wif mel to eat too.. after tat go church.. discuss many tings dere left left me pondering on many stuff...

i had been such a let down.. i disappoint my sis again n again.. cant make up to her n will forever cant forgive myself for tat.. its my selfishness tat wad she has becum todae.. low self esteem.. hiaz.. wad the point in acheiving so much in life when u cant even understand ur sis well.. almost cried after sharing..haiz..

well tat zhao's dae all abt.. more worries n endless responsibilities to cum.. wad step to take next is so blurred.. best to take one at a time.. nitez to u.. haiz..

.... dunno wad zhao typing 1 hr ago.. last part of previous dunno wad crap he typed... too tired liao.. anywae, orientation was a mega hit.. didt expect it will end off tat well.. 1st few dae were horrible lor.. both ogls n zhao were greatlyr affected by their mood.. everyone felt so down lor.. luckily, ogls spirit never saes die.. they held on till the end.. great bonding among ogs now, super pround of them.. thx to cx n songhoe.. they did lots of tolking for zhao.. wifout them, he would b grinded..

Nootka went through to become wad nootka is todae.. super glue bonds.. last dae of orientation was mega.. let not tolk abt the mass game.. dumb.. got thrown into the mud.. super smelly!!! the whole clan came togetheir to decide n practise the clan performance.. great leadership skills when leading.. though practising time was long, nootka got a gd chance to bond even better.. after tat, dinner came.. majority chiong pizza.. hmm.. yummy..

campfire suppose to start in the parade square by 6.30om, however due to some delay, it was still rainning.. switch to indoor campfire.. 1st time.. worried it wun go well.. many songs n cheers super chiong.. the performace was a super hit.. play share wear.. haha
gpt the most united of the all.. haha, still remb tat performance suppose to hav 10 ppl, yet almos the whole clan went up.. ta time we so paisae.. lol, i saw tat almost drop my pants!!! .. nevertheless, the most UNITED CLAN... who can ever BEAT tat.. (:

ended after dances n initiation to help the j1 to pin their flag... can see the j1 enjoyed themselve.. hopefully they stay in pj.. haiz... lol..haha.. ogls had a fun gathering at cck cc after the whoe ting.. crap here n dere.. lol .. the ogls didt manage to make the og cry for them.. so paisae ( forgot wad i did during ogl cmap " suring!!!!... some cried during the collar pinning ting.. cx was beside me, was almost crying.. sang "u n me" together.. great moment dere.. fun wif u j1 too.. funky n cool..

sch started again liao.. sianz lor.. hav been sleeping in lecture n sometimes tutorial..bad.. if dun bucked up den die liao.. hmmm to my new eyecandy, u ar wonderful ya... great noing u (: haha, reali need to slp liao.. if not sure gone one.. cya n by orietntation

long time no post.. still the same as ever.. same old same old.. haiz.. aging liao.. cant seems to keep up wif the pacing of the j1.. great time spent during orientation.. end wif a fantastic highlight.. den kena chase out.. lol

hmmm... orientation was gd, though i dun reali find it veri smooth.. many tings crop up.. but still manage to sneak through lor.. haha.. great jobs to councilors n ogls, esp to grace n songhoe, jiaxin n yuanxiao n marilyn, christine n caixiang, yvonne n shahrin, jieyi n yonghao... never regret noeing u ppl.. n proud to be wif u all.. as for NOOTKA!!! u ppl ROX!!!

tis yr j1 got so many gals.. great threat for the guys, coz tis yr got twice the number of guy to gals... veri scary..nevertheless, the j1 ar reali so enthu... wonderful!!!

veri tired now lao... going to break down wif the spent at no time.. great gals we hav tis yr too.. many from nootka.. yeah!!!!!!!!!hmmm... me veri tired now... continue blogging another dae (:

haiz... another yr has started.. yet zhao's blog is still not ready yet.. still duno many tings leh.. time sure passes fast.. orientation is abt to cum to an end n back to boring sch life again.. more never ending duties n responsibilities..

orientation had been fun until now so far.. everydae is a long n tiring one for nootka surfers.. well, orientation started wif nothing interesting at 1st, mayb due to the long n meaningless tolks in the morning): but tings sure changes.. nootka wasn veri responsive at 1st lor.. kinda demoralising wheneva u take a look at them, though zhao do hav to reali thx some of them tat reali made surfers feel dere some hope in nootka..

n they did... 4th dae of orientation was indeed fun.. mixed around wif many J1 ppl, though i dun reali noe them well.. can see tat the ppl ar closer to their ogls than to the clan.. but doesnt matter, coz zhao has done his job to bring the clan ogls together.. like him, the ogls too ar doing their job too.. though many of them encountered many prob, i truly believe tat we could overcum them if we hold on together(: the whole clan became more united n enthu.. felt relax for the 1st time since orientation.. glad to hav nootka surfers help coz got sore throat.. thx u dudes so much..

more to expect on mon, last dae of orientation.. hopefully nootka spirit will go on n not stop after orientation.. olso, nootka to stay united.. tired n lost...

more busy dae.. meet up wif nootka surfers after church service.. zhao, jiaxin, shahrin, marilyn, caixiang, kiajun.. went to do some shopping for lunch.. wan to make pasta n ice cream float.. came zhao hse.. cook n make a mess, but super fun lor.. discuss abt many stuff for the clan.. end up tired n sick..

woke up todae.. met the nootka surfers ppl todae again.. haha tis time full attendance.. the MOST enthu clan in orientation.. hav been meeting daily since after the end of ogl camp.. super enthu.. great to hav u guys!!! did og flags.. so nice.. sure other clans jealous one.. haha.. went to suki after tat.. so fun or.. went to cck park after tat.. chat ton of stuffs.. 1st impression n fate reading etc had another great dae

now i only wished tat my fellow ogls mates will do great in orientation.. i trust them wif my life n i believe they wun fail me either... (: