I've found a friend who died for me

todae is the college day.. means the opening ceremony of the Santuary, the student centre.. hopefully tis will be well-received by the college n not end up used by the council only.. student centre does reali impresses me.. thought it is gonna be juz like another container class.. but wow, it changes over juz a few dae.. veri cozy feeling.. hav to thx those who helped out in making the centre a success..

some of the councilors went to Lot 1 to hav dinner after the whole event.. n we went to pizza hut.. we were split up into 2 grps due to insufficient seats and olso special reason.. hmmm... our table got dasen, laiyan, karmun, celestine, lishi, me, hugang , alvin.. den felicia n guangyi joined in.. were tolking abt council issues n the 7th council... den tink it is abt too off la.. we should juz sit back n relax.. den i thought of wad i did on the last night wif nootka ogls n councilors.. a heart to heart tolk which discussed abt 1st impression n strengths n weakness of everyone in the table.. n ya, it seems to work for everyone.. tis circle of trust ting reali do helps to bond ppl veri closely.. glad i did it for nootka

everyone gets a chance to share n express how they feel toward each other.. well, i had olso a fair share of mine.. while we were sharing halfwae, mr tong came in.. den we asked him for his opinion of us.. so he went briefly on each of us.. den he came to me :

hmmm.. zhaoqi... veri temperamental.. sometimes veri extreme.. err.. like... u noe... err

den i asked him to move on to the next person.. WAD THE HELL LA!!!?? wad u mean temperamental n extreme?? is tat all im remb in council term for??? made me feel like my stay in council was a veri wasteful one.. den tis let me reflect on my wae home.. howz was i like in my stay in not juz council but pj.. wad is my personality like.. after some thoughts, tis is wad i concluded :

im a guy tat is easily influenced by people around me.. my life revolves around ppl, n i hav to admit tis is my weakness.. i cant work wifout companion.. though i seem like im a slient n lone worker, i reali look forward to work in a grp.. mayb my past exo working in a grp is bad, tat y i often hesitate alot..

im not public speaker.. i cant speak in crowd..it has been proven in orientation 1.. wad a flop.. i will always get the chill down my spine wheneva i hav to do public speaking.. i hate doing the morning pledge taking duty.. i stutter when i speak wif someone unfamilar..

i like to tink.. not as in fantasying but to reflect on issues.. i find it hard to keep my mind blank.. juz get stressed up if i dun tink abt someting.. but all those tinking was make me worry.. tat wear i often becum veri paranoid.. i prefer to get tings done carefully than to rush them.. olso quite a pesismist too.. tons of negative tinking n thoughts.. tat y im always quite stern..

its not tat i dun like to smile.. juz tat i dun find the way i smile look nice.. tink i stopped smiling since sec 2.. after a horrible experience on my extreme makeover.. my personality changes.. ever i isolate myself from my parents.. used to remb i never like my dad.. in fact i hated him to the core.. the cold war i had wif him.. everytime at home, we quarrel.. however, we always put up a false image tat we ar veri loving.. many tings happened btw me n dad, n now im proud to hav him as my father.. (:

i reali do concern alot abt how ppl tink of me.. maby veri ego.. n i reali DO CARE wad ppl sae abt me.. the postive n negative stuff.. i will remb it for veri long time.. seems to be a irony when i keep forgetting important stuff like hw n events.. i hate ppl how critise abt others phy appearances.. tis is a veri sensitive issue, even for a best friend.. i get veri pissed off when my classmates tease songhoe abt his size.. lucky for them songhoe got high level of tolerance.. if not i will slaughter the person who said tat to me.. n im not joking abt it..

tolking abt my luv life.. had been in a mess all along.. got two relationships in the past.. both end up in a mess.. guess im no gd wif gals..

academic was kinda bad.. im only good in math.. but it is insufficient in A lvl.. i need more than tat.. wan to go SMU..often lack of motivation..

im trying to get use to interaction wif ppl.. only gd at personal level, the heart to heart tolk kind.. always got tis veri bad mindset tat its ok not to noe u.. veri kiam pa.. ya.. working on my negative personalities to improve myself..

yep.. tat wad my life all abt in short.. life is always complicated.. n hard to dicipher.. wateva the case, i reali believe tat slp is impt to me as it somehow affect me mood for the dae.. so yep, time so slp.. (:

fridae is cuming, n tis means trouble.. gp paper on fri.. sch seems to take the mid-yr pretty serious.. afriad tat might screwed up my papers.. haiz.. didt study much too.. hav been a bad term for me.. unable to find the motivational energy to leave home, let alone to study.. though pretty lucky tat recent tests did pretty well, sheer luck is insufficient.. never believe luck exists anywae.. A-lvl is to big to joke abt.. juz hav to find some wae to focus in my study..

been feeling restless lately, super sian.. hav been inattentive to my surrounding ppl.. get veri vexed easily.. mayb too many irritating ppl around.. mouths ranting non-stop.. wth lar.. sleepy too.. the orientation prob cuming back again.. starting to slp in class n lectures again.. the more i slp , the more tire i get..

ohh.. got my atm recently, didt noe tat it could be applied within 5mins and i had be wanting to get it for abt 5months.. hmmm.. wonder how to use it.. shall i spend it on hi-5 1st or the nootka ogls outing at esplanade??? wateva the case, hav to manage myself.. tink i hav to be more responsible in my money.. starting a junior saving account, saving $20 a week.. tis wae my bank account wun go burst like my frienx..

came back from the council elect camp last sun.. hav to admit tat the 7th elects ar not veri active in some wae.. majority ar quite passive.. hoping more could impress me.. dere one tat caught my attention : nicolas i tink.. strong leadership.. can be reckless, but i tink becoz he wans to stand up n help the rest sincerely.. fauiza too i tink.. not bad fer 7th council.. even shee kwan impresses me too.. thought he is juz loud, but could be a gd worker too.. great to be in gradnite :) 6th council is considered to step down unofficially, but the gradnite still got lot of stuff to settle..

tink tis june holidae is going to be a veri tough n long one.. cant affort to be distracted.. gonna stay away some of u ppl for the time being.. haiz.. starting to tink of u again... still bringing colours to my life.........

read mel blog.. was tolking abt power rangers.. reminded me abt someting.. used to like yellow soooo much, until i watched power rangers... now, tink i prefer black n white

its sunday again and sch starts tml.. hw starts to pile up too.. haha.. blame it on my laziness.. oh.. wateva.. tis holidae was well spent.. manage to to go out wif the hi-5 to the zoo.. long time since i last went and many tings changed.. new facilities n enclosures ar built.. the hippos ar shifted to somewhere else.. guess the singapore zoo did live up to its name as one the few best zoos in the world.. it rained too during our visit to the zoo, n we hav to take shelter.. and wad? we met mrs annie loh n her family.. had our picnic too.. took tons of picz ya.. we got ben n jerry b4 be leave.. tink tat hagen-das tasted better though..

we went to orchard after tat, wanted to watch movies but tickets sold out.. end up following the gals for shopping.. yuckz.. looked for scrapbook for hi-5 picz but too ex.. maybe get them another dae.. dine at fish n co, wonderful dinner.. so long never truly enjoy myself tat much since after orientation..

haiz.. woke up early on sat morning to go sch to do council stuff.. tis might be the last few council gathering b4 we offically step down.. exco meeting as usual, but tis time was meaningful (not same the usual ones ar not meaningful though) we sat n discussed wad opportunities we had lost during our term to make both council n college to becum better.. followed su to home academy to check the venue for the rugby final.. we alighted 1 stop earlier n had to walk abt 1 km to reach the academy when the buz actualli stop rite in front of it.. lol.. the stadium is big, n many ppl needed to fill them up... hopefully we can gather enough ppl on wed to cheer.. gonna b a final showdown, not juz btw jj ruby boys but olso the jj council n their peepz..

well though stepping down soon for council, gradnite still got so much undone.. starting to worried abt the tables issues.. dunno if the table of ten ting could be balance for all tables..

i tink i cant adapt to the cheerful n loud version of me.. too un-natural liao.. olso look like a idiot too.. well, guess i still tink hi-5 ar the most reliable grp of friendz i could depend on in pj.. the rest gonna be juz the 2nd piority den.. no more clowning around liao.. too much effort n time wasted..

aww.. veri sickly today.. woke up at 3pm.. got a terrible eye infection.. muz be someting to do wif the contacts.. so much undone hw too.. my right eye is going to pop out soon.. dunno if can go sch on mon..

didt attend much of the break dance course yesterdae becoz of council.. met the 7th-council to be.. hmm.. nothing much to comment abt them.. saw one potential publicity head to replace me.. used to tink tat xinni was the one lor.. olso hav to prepare intensively for the upcuming cheering event for wed rugby match..

hav been veri tired for the past week.. maybe becoz didt slp well.. did Nafa too.. all did well except chin-up.. did 3 though, not bad compared to the past as i used to do 1 only.. still got much to train.. tink i wan to retake 2.4km too..

looking forward tis fri.. going to zoo wif hi-5.. quite some time since i last went dere.. abt 7 yrs at least i tink.. gona be a fun dae before mid-yr exam starts..

as for gradnite, i tink i wan to start work on sourcing out for good entertainment com 1st so tat the new gradnite com wun need to work so hard.. hopefully, the new gradnite com lives up to expectation..

gonna slp soon.. eyes hurting again..

3 days pass so fast and sch starts tml again.. im starting to get veri worried for my A lvl.. not enough preparation done too.. it's may liao.. time juz passes so fast wif waiting.. many opportunities were lost too.. haiz..

im starting to fall apart.. cant seem to abosrb much in lecture n tutorial.. bad.. doing quite moderately for tests too..reaching saturation point liao.. ARGHH!! realise my short term memory is getting worse too.. forgotten all abt integration liao.. die liao..

i songhoe ruirong garerern n glenn signed up for the break-dance course ting by dance club.. heard tat if we got into the course, we will be part of dance.. hmm.. wonder if i made a rite choice though.. i truly enjoy dancing, but exams ar so near now.. if i had placed my time and commitement wrongly? dancing is cool and fun lor..

sch life pretty boring recently.. nothing special happened in sch nowdays.. same o same o.. go to sch in the morning, sing the anthem, go to class for tutorial, lt 3 or 4 for lectures, breaks, bell rings, go home, take buz, shower, eat study, slp.. everydae is the same..

life is a wheel of risk.. u take the wrong step, u suffer.. same as for relationship.. once over, nothing can be done.. ppl ar acting so strange to me, as if i dunno them.. or is it i isolate to long from them?? wateva the case, i will juz do my best to stay optimistic ya (: