I've found a friend who died for me

Taking a short break now from hours of mugging..

Just had a speech presentation for effective comm.. it went well for me and hopefully the same for the grade too.. there is mkting presentation tml.. will be the last for the whole course.. no more grp meetings with team.. looking back, it is pretty interesting that how this team was formed.. me and kenneth juz randomly join 2 girls without grp to form a team.. then came arjun to make it 5.. both of the girls happened to be yr 4 and in their final years. Kewei from e-lit and chrystal from mass comm.. haha, its so strange. the team chemistry just come naturally ((: kinda sad that this whole thing is ending soon.. of coz, we can still meet up n keep in contact still.

has been nearly one month since confessed abt how i felt.. this period has been a bittersweet feel.. juz like wad paul said, there this sweet feeling when though u know things might be difficult and tough.. sometimes, i wonder will things still be the same if i had not made the move to tell her.. would it progress for the better because she got more time to settle on her feelings rather than me rushing to put her in a tough situation.. haiz, wadever the case, what's done has been done.. no point crying over a spilt milk..

this incident has made me realised how weak i am.. be it in controlling my emotions, my thoughts, my methods of handling things.. i have been trying to solve problems the way i deemed fit, and not seeking God.. Such a shame when I already got baptised n chose to devote my life to God.. yet, i commit the same mistake over n over again..

strangely, the more i alienate from God, the more He tried to reach out to me.. just like wad she did.. it was truly painful at certain points of the period. but prayers make wonders.. i found comfort and refuge under God.. Thanks for taking in your child when he got lost and nowhere to go..

this whole sage started way back long ago and its still ongoing.. there were times that are high n low.. when im with her, i felt i could take on the world.. when im alone, my mind just go crazy over her.. haha, its kinda weird that when u are going through this, u start to realised there are so many couples around u.. just like how u notice there are so many nsfs when u are going ns..wonder where will this leads us to...

well, this week we decided to go with the "low contact" week.. she was feeling very emotional, due to the many problems on her mind.. this sage, work, family, driving, baptisim, her wounds, along with the insufficient sleep she gets everyday, it just make things worse.. it juz a matter of time she will break down, not matter how strong she is.. even if she self-proclaimed she a robot, there will still be a time where it will eventually malfunction and breakdown.. "I'm in agony" she told me.. of coz, who will not.. its just that u having been putting a strong front for everyone to see.. but its so obvious u are having difficulty cooping it..

both of us agreed that she needs to put aside this thing for the moment to focus and concentrate on the other more pressing issues.. and thats where i made this suggestion to stop contact.. haha, its so dumb.. i regretted it the very moment i suggested it.. but to help both of us, i think this might still be the best option for now since we are heading nowhere.. somehow, this no contact compromises into a low contact week.. and so far, i believe i have been keeping to my side of the promise though it can be very tough to do so..

it is so difficult to keep a person out of ur mind.. when u try to put it aside, it keeps coming back.. never did i experience such a situation.. guess this is wad it means to be truly in love? u think abt her wadever u are doing.. luckily, praying helps abit when it really gets tough.. haiz, all this im experiencing, would u feel the same way as i did??

her baptism is on this sat.. meaning i got abt 3 more days to get my project done.. think im going quite slow now.. got to stay up later to do some catch up..

never have i felt so such that she is the woman of my life so far.. i prayed and prayed to God for this lady to appear in my life.. and when she did, things turned out this way.. maybe God is giving me a trial???

i have never seriously chase after a girl before in my whole life.. im lost in what to do.. i dunno what is right n wrong in courtship.. but i know that I have the backing of my friends, family and God.. no matter what, i gonna give my best.. there were already wrong moves that i made in the process, but they are lessons prepared for me be to be the man pleasing to God and the woman that i eventually end up with..

just like u, i have so much insecurities in life.. i need alot of assurance.. and when i dun get it, i feel unsettled, lost, disturbed.. and at times, i feel so from u.. i know wad im up against and things wun clear up so soon.. it might be a futile wait... but at least im sure u are the one that i have been searching for.. if we are not meant to be together, then its God's will.. I have already lower my expectation to the lowest.. afterall im juz a normal guy with nothing much to offer.. but i will do my very best to make u the happiest woman in the world within my ability.. i will change in order to make u feel so.. yes, i will not give up until the day u tell me that its impossible or maybe my heart become harden and choose to move on.. but i safely assure u that this day will not come anything soon n i mean it..

yeap, wad a long break i had.. guess i will slowly update my past year progress by bits.. the mission team just reached thailand today.. could not join due to school work.. i may not be physically be there, but my spirit is.. go forth and spread the words of God and make wonder though His name.. okie, back to muggin..

my heart yearns for u..

After nearly mia for a year, i think its almost time for me to resume blogging.. some much has happened.. I'm in uni now, after hoping to start on it so early one yr ago..

life is so complicated.. with every further step u take in life, the more u discover that life is so different from what you percieve in the past. Those were the days when we were still so naive...

still, I'm glad that God provided me all these time.. Despite the fact that I distance myself from God at times or chose to challenge God by doing things the way I deem fit, He still does not leave me. He is constantly by my side, and even carried me when times were really tough n difficult.. Thank you Lord..

And now here I am facing a whole new set of problems and challenges that I have never been through before.. I pray for strength, wisdom and guidance from You.. Pls lead me, mold me, remind me, though I might try to do things my way.. "My Rule, My Way".. haha, how I used to live by this set of motto in the past.. hopefully, such days are over with God by my side..

I will do my best to resume blogging as much as possible.. Paul kinda inspired me to do so.. Life is full of mysteries and awe.. So much for us to remember and note. Just like His grace... I believe with this, I can constantly remind myself how blessed am I to be a child of God..

Never have I ever been in such a situation. And with my decision made, not solely myself but with God too, I will give all I got into this "wait". Who knows where will it leads me, but I know I would definitely regret for life if I let this pass without give it a shot.. And of course, I know He is with me too..

Yes, this is my story...

When the music stops, it points down to one... You...