I've found a friend who died for me

--------------------------------REFLECTION TIME------------------------------------

hav been pretty busy tis week.. sport ccas are competing against other jcs for tis month.. so far, council has been actively taking part in supporting the ccas.. many of my classmates ar involved in the competition.. hope tat they ar doing well..

suddenly, council played a big role in college.. student centre, supporting team pjc, organising elects camp.. phew.. many exco meeting too.. struggling to catch up in hw and studies.. actuali kinda worried for council now.. everyone put in so much into it and finally some results are showing.. too bad we stepping down soon.. council, council.. u reali make me tink alot n mature.. u forced me to become from introvet to extrovet.. trained me to do public speaking.. interact wif ppl tat i might never will.. u open my world.. to tink tat i used to tink tat 6th council is gona be the same as the rest of council before us.. im wrong.. we were different.. yep.. juz dunno why, kinda feeling abit lost tonoe tat we hav to step down soon.. maybe i cant bear to go, or maybe i cant leave to my responsibility behind..

haha.. still remb tat when i was choosen to be the exco in charge for gradnite, i was hesitating.. i been always a leader so far in my life.. but to lead in such a big event, i was never prepared for tat.. lost.. howz should i start?? hmmm.. thx goodness tat the com was understanding.. went through all the tough stage of planning.. facing the black faces of j2s coz the previous gradnite batch never lay the foundation properly.. one after another, we jumped over the hurdles.. gradnite 2005 was over.. now 2006 cuming.. i felt great when fellow collegemates cum to me telling me tat they prefered us staying on to plan gradnite for tis yr.. maybe our effort paid off.. haha.. finally, i can relax.. wonderful com i had.. definately one the best team of ppl i worked wif.. joseph, khalis, cj, xin, mel, serence, fiona, yulun, jieshi, teckming, joshua, abraham, jensen, laiyan, lishi.. thx yar.. u guys rox.. i hope u all enjoyed the working experience wif me ya.. time for us to enjoy our gradnite

looking back, i tink i changed alot.. high, low, high, low.. series of changes.. pretty optimistic in my stay in pjc.. used to remb tat my temper flared up easily in sec sch.. ppl respect me coz they fear me.. lol.. when i 1st came pj, og mates n classmates thought i was super dao.. hmm.. mayb i was reali tat dao.. lost many chances to noe more ppl.. tink of it, i hav less than 6 months before A lvl.. should reali cherish wad i hav now.. smile.. hmm, the way to be happy.. its working ya.. (:

hi-5 hav been pretty busy lately.. both hw n ccas.. tink we should find time to go out and take a breather.. ya ya, sometime im veri lazi, tat y so much hw got piled up.. so hard to start mugging.. seemed to feel veri numb.. guess brain reach maximum limit..

my class 05s17 : so much hav changed.. we will continue to bond closer.. fun..

J4 : hmmm.. called ourselve jimmies coz we were so addicted to one starwar flash clips.. my next closest clique in pj.. zhisen, songhoe , garerern.. tink we were the most enthu ppl in class.. often invite trouble too.. *glup*

ha.. nootka ogls.. great time together.. though we noe one another for such a short time, we prove tat we manage to stand out from the rest.. err.. dun bother abt the comment on all the ogl gals in our clan ar chio n guys suck.. all chio to me la (: ~noot~

ah.. 05s16.. PAE class.. so long no contact liao.. wondering how u ppl doing now??

council : great working exp wif u ppl.. 6th council the best (: (cant find a proper pic, only got pubco )

pylos : clanmates of 02.. we rox man.. ogls n o2 members.. everyting from us ar original.. cheers, moves, etc.. (: next outing cuming soon..

high-5 : ying mel xin cj n me.. we ar the best.. ( time to get new clothes.. always wear the same stuff)

yep.. these ar the main ppl i made in pj.. dere ar many more.. hav to thx for the wonderful exp u ppl gave.. k la.. sound like sucide note.. lol.. time to slp liao.. super late.. pray hard tat i will start studying seriously now

soon, all these will be over (: (happen to realise all my post super long.. long-winded)

wad wrong wif me??? had been feeling veri irritated for the whole day.. dunno why.. lost my caculator, com dc-ing, tons of undone hw, mrs tan's dumb policy to suddenly push up the amt of work for us all after common test.. wad is holi for??? teach less learn more, tat wad they sae.. hw hw hw is wad teachers all noe to issue.. dun they hav life?? all care abt their own respective sub.. tink we only take ur sub?? council gms all day long.. phy test setted so late in the evening.. cant they all use their brain?? ARGGGHHH... damn frustrated.. feeling like yelling at anyone who try to piss me off now.. one conclusion: life sucks

finally friday has arrived.. now is 11.55pm.. abit more den 12 liao.. haiz.. its seems tat holidae passes so fast.. need a longer break lor.. sch is now all abt mugging n eating, eating n mugging.. no wonder ppl get fat so fast in jc.. no time to play sport or excerise.. sian diao.. realli cherish the time used to had in j1.. life was so much slower and lighter in a way.. so lesson learned: make gd use of wad u own and possess

yesterday was the longest sch dae in the week.. end at 5pm.. still, i enjoy myself totally.. the week was in a way well past.. so far doing gd for everyting except econ.. like a vicious cycle.. when i do well for econ, i cant manage math n phy.. when i try to focus in math, phy n econ turn bad.. veri sianz.. muz constantly stay consistent, if not will fall behind.. the flaw of singapore edu: exam based system (learn it from GP) Pe was ok as normal.. the prob is tat songhoe n rui rong forgot to bring their pe shorts.. i hav no choice but to wear the smaller (and shorter) short instead to lend the other pe short i intend to wear (which is longer) running was horrible.. esp when i tried to spring in the last lap.. the short practically went "whoosh!!" its juz got higher n higher.. veri sexy.. den pe shirt also veri long, like i never wear shorts.. super gay

went out wif edmund, hanzhong, weili n limhan to suki sushi at cine.. had a gd tolk.. seems quite long since we last chatted.. hmmm.. we were still close together after all.. juz tat maybe im not spending enough time wif them.. after tat, hav to go for nootka ogl outing.. onli quite a few went coz was organised pretty last min.. response not bad though.. we all crapped lots of rubbish again and enjoyed the whole session.. miss the time we had together during orientation again.. haiz..

celebrated my dad birthday too.. though i tink tat we were not veri close, i can reali feel tat he cares abt me alot.. juz tat sometimes i get to hot-headed and ignore his advices.. we dun tolk to one another often too.. the only time we reali "chat" is on the way u send me to sch.. i bet i disappoint u lots of times.. im sry dad.. super useless.. ohh.. btw happy birthdae and thx alot ya.. :)

world wifout strangers.. hmmm.. a veri gd phrase.. in tis world, we constanly depend on one another for support and attention.. guess tat why God created me and u.. hav struggling within me.. working hard to stay cheerful n optimistic.. do feel much more happy now, but at the same time abit fake.. mayb still trying to get use to it.. hav been too serious or moody during j1.. im going to treasure my remaining time in pj n noe as many j2s as possible.. response for gradnite is wonderful.. abt 59 tables already.. heard tat more ar still cuming in tml.. tink is going to be the highest gradnite turnout rate in pj history.. going to make tis gradnite a blast, so tat not to disappoint fellow collegemates.. yar, our gradnite.. we hav to work for it.. (:

friendz will catch u when u falls.. ppl cum n go in ur life.. but every single one has a meaningful impact in my life, though some u might wish tat u never noe them.. at least we acknowledge their presence.. tis means we care in a certian way.. every single action made by us will definately affects someone around us, directly n indirectly.. juz read a book: the 5 people u meet in heaven.. a wonderful book.. i dun reali like reading.. but tis book manage to catch my attention and i finished it within 3hrs.. learned alot from it.. n it kept me tinking.. i wonder who will i meet in heaven, how will heaven like.. reali lots to ponder on and makes me reflect on my past actions and thoughts.. veri ashamed of myself.. used to contain lots of hatre in me.. no trust in anyone, including my parents.. anti-social and unfriendly.. haiz.. wasted few yrsof my life.. gona leave them behind to start over again.. noe its gona b a long process, but i shall try to hold on ya.. (:

ohh.. if u all tink tat im dao-ing everyone, pls forgive me ya.. had some hearing prob since young.. mayb too close to tv in the past.. the sound blasted my ears.. so cant reali hear veri clearly.. so yar, pls understand.. olso develop a habit of look at the ground while i walk, so might not notice or aware wad happening around me.. so yar.. will try my best (:

k.. got TONS of hw to do.. hate holidaes.. sch always abuse them.. mayb coz we did quite badly for common test too.. hmmm.. will work hard to do well for A lvl.. dun wan to hav any regret in the end..

another week has passed.. getting closer to A lvl liao.. the thoughts of A lvl is juz abt 6 months away give me creepz.. the common test further worries me.. going bonky liao.. forgot wad i learnt after common test.. mayb tis is the trend in me to forget everyting after exam period..

meet parent session is veri dumb lor.. juz another chance for my mum to nag at me.. i hate it when my parents or teachers noe nothing abt wad i do in sch and go around blabering abt how should i manage my time.. hey, i am mugging in sch lor.. (though i seem to slack alot at home) everytime my parents only see the lazi or playful side of me .. never did they noe tat life in sch was hell la.. hav to manage studies, duties and relationships.. ARGHH.. juz complicated la..

i noe my attitude during meet parent session was veri bad.. even my classmates waiting at the back sae that i was like veri mean.. i noe i noe.. but it juz pissed me off to sit btw my ct and mum n listen to their conversation on how much i didt study.. im disappointed in zhaoqi's performance, disappointed in this, disappointed in tat.. heck la..

hmm.. tml is the 1st dae of the 1st gradnite money collection cum registration.. table should be more likely finalise.. sitting wif hi-5, shuang, garerern, songhoe, zhisen, yingpeng.. quite a nice combi.. kinda looking forward to gradnite though.. didt hav gradnite during sec sch.. super cheapo.. headache.. dunno wad to wear.. standard attire or someting unique?? tough qn to ponder on.. err.. A lvl haven over.. tink too much liao..

sooo many hw to do, so little time.. so much for the teach less, learn more policy.. y cant they cum up wif the teach less, play more policy?? my mind is always tinking abt someting.. cant rest.. never feel so intense b4.. going to explode soon.. hope the singapore armed force dun get me for terrorism..

tink tat interacting more is the wae to ease myself.. i hav been too uptight recently.. hav to destress ya.. nafa cuming too.. having intensive trainning for myself.. trying to do some chin up daily.. quite surprised tat i could do 5 now (wif proper rest) hope tat get at least a silver so dun need to go NS early.. hmmm... actuali go in early olso nevermind.. juz go camp and play ma.. take rifle and bag.. run around shooting at dummies.. n yummie ration.. haiz.. typical boys..

tink dere is going to be a council elects camp during june holiday.. heard might be 3 daes 2 nites.. quite long.. of coz, wun be as gd as ogl camp.. veri little ppl sign up for the student leadership ting.. all thx to the hse exco ting.. hopefully the applicants are not nerdy.. if not can go jump liao.. i cant seem to communicate wif nerds.. they make me go crazi.. wad ever the case, hope tat the new council is gona be gd

so long never hav proper excercise liao.. since after common test.. hav been eating alot.. haiz.. jc life = eat + study ... there juz no time to play bball or so.. still remb last yr got so much time for bball, netball, volleyball, and crap time.. time is catching up wif me liao.. aging liao.. all i could do now is to run only.. and on tracks.. where u go round and round.. is tat same for life?? after some much been done, u still back to the starting point..

wa... i sound as if i was undergoing serious depression lor.. hav been abusing wad i learn from the last fri depression tolk.. hmmm.. "if i wan to die, would u wan to join me??" wad a hard qn to answer.. for unknown reason, im hav been trying to be cheerful n chatty recently.. yar, all i got was "hey zhaoqi, u ok?? why ar u so cheerful?? dun tell me u hav decide to sucide??" yar rite.. so much for smiling.. ohh.. im still tryin to learn how to smile.. i not a gd smiler.. need practice.. if not look veri spastic in photos.. btw, i was slping throughout the depression tolk

... 30mins had past n i cant believe i typed so much.. hmm..tink of it.. 30mins of blogging has many opportunity costs.. eating, mugging, slp, play game, watch da chang jing.. so much to choose from.. wadever la.. wanna go slp liao.. slp is important to me.. how my mood will be for tml depend heavily on my slp.. tis fri is gd friday.. public holiday huh.. haiz.. public holiday=more hw=more stress=depression= sucide? .. nah, i wun one.. so much tings i haven done.. like going to sch tml to whack songhoe and suan mel.. life is sooooooooooooo interesting.. wad a irony..

many tings happened tis week.. n dere i go tinking again.. dere ar juz so much tings to tink abt.. take it as a form of practice to trian my brain.. hmmm.. all the results ar out fer common test.. did quite average, but veri disappointed.. esp phy.. the whole cohort didt do well either.. tink tat the papers ar tough, but tis shouldt be the excuse for no doing well.. all i hav to say is to blame myself for the lack of self-discipline.. err.. i wasnt realli studying during the sch holi break.. n was still playing during the common test week.. juz not in the rite mood for common test.. promos juz ended abt few months ago.. yet the sch said tat common test is more impt tat promos.. wad the heck la.. gave everyting for promos.. or is it juz my attitude??

tolking abt attitude, our sub tutors were all veri disappointed wif our result.. many failed quite badly.. so some reason, my result is considered acceptable in comparision to others.. cant imgaine howz will we fare against other colleges.. one ting for sure, our class definately enjoy ourself in lesson.. but we were juz too slack.. some were too tense up.. after watching kailing break down in class on fri, i tink tat we ar still do not understand one another well enough.. some of my friendz mug their way through, but still not gd enough.. mayb the phrase ur best is not good enough reali applys.. ms kat was olso veri disappointed in our econ grade.. i do reali admire her alot.. esp the way she teaches us.. she told we got Aplitude but lack of enough Attitude.. den i went huh?? Amplitude?? den songhoe, zhisen n garerern stared at me.. -___-ok.. Aplitude, i confirmed.. so yar, to obtain the best in everyting, aplitude n attitude cums in..

had the j1 dialogue on thur n j2 on fri.. the j1 dialogue was ok for me.. the mood wasnt tat high though.. guess tat the orientation mood is fading away in the j1s.. seems like a vicious cycle.. it happened to us, n now to the j1s.. watever.. when will tis ends?? council wasnt veri prepared for the dialogue i tink.. there was alot of transition prob btw coms.. kayda said tat i look veri funny.. errm.. no comment fer tat.. as for the j2 diaologue.. i will say the response is quite gd from the st assembly grp.. the whole assembly grp joined in wif the discussion when the topic on gradnite was presented by me n joseph.. they took were ok wif swissotel, which is gd.. i thought tat they would not want to switch form ritz carlton or fullerton to swissotel.. all thx for laiyan, lishi n khalis for the wonderful picz they taken so tat a short video clip could be made to impress the j2s.. n lishi for doing the ppt slide.. i luv the 1st assembly to the core.. we had so much fun together laughing as a whole lt together.. the QnA session was veri entertaining too.. n yar the NS.. lol..juz wan to sae they rockz.. the 2nd one is so much quieter.. yep tat for tat..

so far im joining the hi-5 and yenshuang for gradnite in one table.. tinking of asking garerern n songhoe to join along.. hmmm.. wonder who will be the suitable dance partner if the idea of having a dance partner for gradnite is approve.. nevertheless, juz take one step at a time.. kk tml another sch week starts again.. time to stay studious.. hmm, still trying to be more vocal ya.. juz hope dun frighten u ppl.. (: