I've found a friend who died for me

my life seems pretty boring compared to others.. stayed at home during cny.. juz dun feel like going out and see ppl.. too tired wif life n stress.. hav been slping alot recently.. tat wad my life currently revolves around.. many tings happened seems unimportant too me now.. mayb im starting to turn back into the monster i once used to be..

hav been quite unsoicable n unfriendly recently.. probably becoz my relationship wif God has been getting worse.. i do look upon him, juz tat i dun find the comfort n peace i used to hav before.. i noe im selfish, im self-centred.. mayb im trying to run away from the truth.. but i am weak by nature.. i juz dun trust the ppl around me.. those images keep haunting me.. so lonely i am, but help i do not wan..

dissapointing i noe i am.. i hav not been giving my best to my commitement.. one such gd e.g is council.. i hav been giving excuses to run away from my duties.. irresponsible.. but i reali do feel i hav nothing to give to council.. i am too disappointed wif it.. all of my efforts put into it seems vain.. tink of it, y did i gave up odac for council? y didt i choose to reject the position of exco when i was voted to be one? im so tired wif the "good boy" image i hav to give daily.. such a bootlicker life i hav to endure.. haiz.. juz few more months to give n its over.. initially wanted to step down rite after orientation, but su convinced me not too.. thx su.. u hav been veri supportive at the darkest times i been through.. still, many troubles n probs surround me and they ar aleady clouding my judgement..

ppl keep saying i should voice out my probs bottling inside me, so tat they could help n help me feel better.. yeah.. i too said the same ting to others.. but i juz cant practise wad i preached..

" juz tell me ur prob.. i can help.."
" y dun u share? i can be a good listener "
" dun worry and stay happy "

yar.. all these i said to others all the times.. i too seem to smile alot.. but deep inside me, im reali struggling.. dere ar so many tings the world fail to understand.. the power of love.. it has faded ever since.. yep, y dun i share my prob? i do always ask myself tat.. but does it help? ppl share their prob becoz they cant handle them and cant bottle them in themselve..they share their prob to u, u share ur prob to them.. wad a vicious cycle.. tat where i begin to start keeping prob to myself.. sharing is juz a way to push ur prob away, hoping it wun cum back.. everyone has their prob.. sharing will further increase the burden of those who ar already facing them..

im not blaming those who often share their prob wif me or i dun wan to listen to urs.. i dun mind listening to them.. juz tat, ppl ar always so insensitive nowdae.. tink we hav the need to learn how to be more careful wif our words.. still remb the dae sch celebrated the cny on fri.. after sch, i bottled everyting out onto songhoe.. thx alot dere.. still dun feel any better.. instead, i gave songhoe the extra worries he had to go through becoz of me.. haiz.. need to be more careful in future..

k.. i shall end here.. dere more to worry abt in life in all aspects.. still i will try to be strong, wif the strength from God, i will preserve till the end.. sry...