I've found a friend who died for me

todae is the college day.. means the opening ceremony of the Santuary, the student centre.. hopefully tis will be well-received by the college n not end up used by the council only.. student centre does reali impresses me.. thought it is gonna be juz like another container class.. but wow, it changes over juz a few dae.. veri cozy feeling.. hav to thx those who helped out in making the centre a success..

some of the councilors went to Lot 1 to hav dinner after the whole event.. n we went to pizza hut.. we were split up into 2 grps due to insufficient seats and olso special reason.. hmmm... our table got dasen, laiyan, karmun, celestine, lishi, me, hugang , alvin.. den felicia n guangyi joined in.. were tolking abt council issues n the 7th council... den tink it is abt too off la.. we should juz sit back n relax.. den i thought of wad i did on the last night wif nootka ogls n councilors.. a heart to heart tolk which discussed abt 1st impression n strengths n weakness of everyone in the table.. n ya, it seems to work for everyone.. tis circle of trust ting reali do helps to bond ppl veri closely.. glad i did it for nootka

everyone gets a chance to share n express how they feel toward each other.. well, i had olso a fair share of mine.. while we were sharing halfwae, mr tong came in.. den we asked him for his opinion of us.. so he went briefly on each of us.. den he came to me :

hmmm.. zhaoqi... veri temperamental.. sometimes veri extreme.. err.. like... u noe... err

den i asked him to move on to the next person.. WAD THE HELL LA!!!?? wad u mean temperamental n extreme?? is tat all im remb in council term for??? made me feel like my stay in council was a veri wasteful one.. den tis let me reflect on my wae home.. howz was i like in my stay in not juz council but pj.. wad is my personality like.. after some thoughts, tis is wad i concluded :

im a guy tat is easily influenced by people around me.. my life revolves around ppl, n i hav to admit tis is my weakness.. i cant work wifout companion.. though i seem like im a slient n lone worker, i reali look forward to work in a grp.. mayb my past exo working in a grp is bad, tat y i often hesitate alot..

im not public speaker.. i cant speak in crowd..it has been proven in orientation 1.. wad a flop.. i will always get the chill down my spine wheneva i hav to do public speaking.. i hate doing the morning pledge taking duty.. i stutter when i speak wif someone unfamilar..

i like to tink.. not as in fantasying but to reflect on issues.. i find it hard to keep my mind blank.. juz get stressed up if i dun tink abt someting.. but all those tinking was make me worry.. tat wear i often becum veri paranoid.. i prefer to get tings done carefully than to rush them.. olso quite a pesismist too.. tons of negative tinking n thoughts.. tat y im always quite stern..

its not tat i dun like to smile.. juz tat i dun find the way i smile look nice.. tink i stopped smiling since sec 2.. after a horrible experience on my extreme makeover.. my personality changes.. ever i isolate myself from my parents.. used to remb i never like my dad.. in fact i hated him to the core.. the cold war i had wif him.. everytime at home, we quarrel.. however, we always put up a false image tat we ar veri loving.. many tings happened btw me n dad, n now im proud to hav him as my father.. (:

i reali do concern alot abt how ppl tink of me.. maby veri ego.. n i reali DO CARE wad ppl sae abt me.. the postive n negative stuff.. i will remb it for veri long time.. seems to be a irony when i keep forgetting important stuff like hw n events.. i hate ppl how critise abt others phy appearances.. tis is a veri sensitive issue, even for a best friend.. i get veri pissed off when my classmates tease songhoe abt his size.. lucky for them songhoe got high level of tolerance.. if not i will slaughter the person who said tat to me.. n im not joking abt it..

tolking abt my luv life.. had been in a mess all along.. got two relationships in the past.. both end up in a mess.. guess im no gd wif gals..

academic was kinda bad.. im only good in math.. but it is insufficient in A lvl.. i need more than tat.. wan to go SMU..often lack of motivation..

im trying to get use to interaction wif ppl.. only gd at personal level, the heart to heart tolk kind.. always got tis veri bad mindset tat its ok not to noe u.. veri kiam pa.. ya.. working on my negative personalities to improve myself..

yep.. tat wad my life all abt in short.. life is always complicated.. n hard to dicipher.. wateva the case, i reali believe tat slp is impt to me as it somehow affect me mood for the dae.. so yep, time so slp.. (: