I've found a friend who died for me

prelim is over now.. yet i cant truly enjoy myself.. im so troubled wif my probs, esp in my studies..

yesterday was phy paper3 n econ paper 1 n 2.. phy seems ok, but my brain was burned out after the paper.. in section A of the paper, im supposed to choose 4 qns out of 6.. yet i didt read the instruction properly.. so end up doing all six qns.. result: i m too tired to do econ paper1.. my mind was totally blank for the paper.. all the work to prepare econ went into the drain.. guess im failing econ..

went to pizza hut at lot one for pubco outing.. had a wonderful time dere chatting while dinning.. been a long time since we gathering together.. missed those time where we slogged together..

today work up feeling moody.. was supposed to go out wif hi-5 todae, but didt feel like going initially due to yesterdae paper.. but tinking the "love" of cj, ying n xin, i turned up eventually.. it was a outing to make up for the birthdae celebration missed for me n mel.. went to the cathay to watch little man, den heeren to take neoprint.. saw s15 girls but missed jieyi coz of some "reason".. veri sinful n paisae.. after tat, we settled at wisma's starbuck den to the giraff for dinner n ben&jerry.. super long n tiring dae, yet meaning.. thx alot for organising..

much more barriers to crossin the cuming days.. hav to take one ting at a time.. hopefully i dun break down before A lvl..

Im officially 18th today.. so much could be done.. like learning to drive, to go pub, to drink, to smoke, to watch M18 movies and so on.. Life offers too many uncessary choices..

Though today is my b'day, Im not happy.. Im so troubled by the many various issues surrounding me.. And these problems will not stop haunting me.. I would say tat throughout on my whole life, i never felt so dispressed or disillusion..

There have been so much friction btw me n my family.. esp my parents.. they had pinned high hopes on me.. in fact, they believed tat i will definately make it into a university.. all the stresses due to strong pride n ego are crushing me.. of coz, i believe they ar concern abt me.. juz tat we ar unable to communicate as well as we used to be.. ny grandfather is already in a depression.. the fear of death had managed to change one greatly.. kinda hurts me to see him in his current state.. the veri grandfather tat carried me, help me cutted my veri 1st haircut, show me wif care, changed into a stranger gradually..

In my whole life, i know many friends in the process.. but rarely i managed to hav close quality ones.. tat when i start to emphasis strongly on building friendship.. but it seems tat tis brought many uncessary worries upon myself.. once surrounded by many ppl, i now find comfort from isolation.. i dun understand why im starting to close up again.. maybe becoz i tried too hard in building quantity friendships, n neglected quality friendships..

Academic is still my current biggest worry.. based on my current preformance despite my effort, my goal of entering SMU is getting further n further now.. How i used to underestimate A lvl in the past.. For once, im reali worried abt my future, my ability to take up the responisbility of getting into a gd uni, a gd degree, a gd job, the responsibility to take up the role as the only son in the family, my ability to give my family happiness.. Yes, i might worry too much, but its a fact tat the A lvl decides our future.. Tat one ting i reali hates abt singapore education system.. over emphasis on academic pursuit than talent development.. even if it is going to start now, its too late for many of us..

Im seriously lacking of motivation now.. dere ar times to be high n low.. but im seems to be in the regular side of low.. Irwin, the man of motivated many animanl conservatives around the world, died suddenly due a stab in the heart by my favourite seafood.. I guess tis shocked the world at tat time, many muz be disappointed, but life muz go on.. time and age wait for no one.. i do not wan to be the last to realise tat im the one being left behind..

Many thx to limhan, edmund, handzhong n weili for gathering together wif me to celebrate my b'dae at fish n co.. the most embrassing celebration i had.. thx hi-5 too for the gifts, will make gd use of them..

A personal thx to chenjie: thx for being dere most of the time when im down.. though we only noe each other for probably abt 1 n 1/2 yr, we managed to overcum many prob n enjoy happy times together.. U ar definately the one guy i will never forget in my life..

Prelims up in next week.. next abt 4 more weeks after tat will b the veri 1st A lvl paper.. soon it will be over, along with my chapter in Jc..

Artist : Yellowcard

Song : Only One

Broken this fragile thing now

And I can't, I can't pick up the pieces

And I've thrown my words all around

But I can't, I can't give you a reason

I feel so broken up (so broken up)

And I give up (I give up)

I just want to tell you so you know

Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you

You are my only one

I let go, there's just no one that gets me like you do

You are my only, my only one

Made my mistakes, let you down

And I can't, I can't hold on for too long

Ran my whole life in the ground

And I can't, I can't get up when you're gone

And something's breaking up (breaking up)

I feel like giving up (like giving up)

I won't walk out until you know

Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you

You are my only one

I let go, there's just no one who gets me like you do

You are my only my only one

Here I go so dishonestly

Leave a note for you my only one

And I know you can see right through me

So let me go and you will find someone

Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you

You are my only one

I let go, there's just no one, no one like you

You are my only, my only one

My only one

You are my only, my only one

...Happy Birthday...