I've found a friend who died for me

13 more days to the start of exam... a semester in university is way too short.. rushing n loading so much within such a short time.. Is that even the right way to learning?? It has become routine n meaningless..

OMG.. The whole family knew abt her.. Zzzz.. Was damn surprised when dad came into room just now to talk to me abt this.. Being a lasting couple is not abt looks.. This is only short temporary.. Haha, look at both of my parents now (oops).. even though my dad is very strict, he does do things that really impresses and surprises mum.. like suddenly buying a jewelry set for her, saying that she should have received them years ago when he asked for her hand.. other simple things like singing to her or mushy words like "I love You" to mum spices up their marriage life and keep it going (: even though they do quarrel very often, sometimes i do think that they will become my own future family model (:

dad mentioned its gd to go after a girl.. but to be overly obsessive, it will become unhealthy.. guess it was the like tat just after the confession.. i just pour put my feelings n heart to her.. looking back, it was so stupid.. im leaving her with no breathing space of her own..

However, dad also advised abt reconsidering going after a girl who doesn't even reciprocate to ur feelings for her.. since love is a two way thing, it could not be one-sided.. if not, it would eventually become a burden to both.. i wonder if he is referring to me for this in case or just making a general comment since mum told him everyday that i shared with her when i asked mum for advices for this whole saga last week.

Like mum always says, as a christian, u need a partner who is God-centered, even if it means putting God before you.. Mum is glad for her too for her recent baptism and reassures her relationship with God.. In fact, it was very sweet of mum to lead a prayer for her walk with God and faith, and well as God's guidance in any progression between us, be it we will end up together or not..

I'm so blessed to have so many friends around me to give me encouragement regarding on this whole saga.. esp when im getting confused and frustrated over this, where brothers and sisters like edmund, limhan, hanzhong, weili, paul, meijind are there for me.. Friends like khairi, wenting, raj, darius to listen to my whines and assure me that i'm a guy that has my worth.. buddies like cj, xin and mel to give me well-wishes and encouragements.. pastor j and shelen to offer their vast experiences and knowledge when it come to bgr and concern when they realised i have not been myself for past month.. sis and her bf, which actually surprises me, to share what steps i could have done to improve our relationship.. Pei, i really think u are very blessed to have such a wonderful bf.. treasure him well.. and now, dad n mum support regarding on my chase to hold the key to her heart.. it felt good (: Thank God for the angels you sent to be by my side when im at the lowest.. i know im not alone in this marathon to reach her..

thx sis, when u shared the process of u going after mr J, it was very encouraging.. and eventually, God granted what u wished for: a relationship that is mutual (: just that, thing is as simple and straightforward for ur brother..

haha, anyway, everyone agrees that you are a good catch and blessing from God, esp mum, dad n sis.. thx..

Even i dunno when will i see the light that comes at the end of the tunnel for this possible endless pursuit, i will still hold on to the hope that someday u will accept me.. the only problem is how long, when it gets so tiring when u think abt someone day and night, to wake up the next day to realise things are still going to be the same..

This is my story..

Will I ever hold the key to her heart or just remain shut out? It is really easier to be loved than to love..

All I know is that I will not get the answer any sooner and I will continue to hold on to that fragile hope as long I can..