Im officially 18th today.. so much could be done.. like learning to drive, to go pub, to drink, to smoke, to watch M18 movies and so on.. Life offers too many uncessary choices..
Though today is my b'day, Im not happy.. Im so troubled by the many various issues surrounding me.. And these problems will not stop haunting me.. I would say tat throughout on my whole life, i never felt so dispressed or disillusion..
There have been so much friction btw me n my family.. esp my parents.. they had pinned high hopes on me.. in fact, they believed tat i will definately make it into a university.. all the stresses due to strong pride n ego are crushing me.. of coz, i believe they ar concern abt me.. juz tat we ar unable to communicate as well as we used to be.. ny grandfather is already in a depression.. the fear of death had managed to change one greatly.. kinda hurts me to see him in his current state.. the veri grandfather tat carried me, help me cutted my veri 1st haircut, show me wif care, changed into a stranger gradually..
In my whole life, i know many friends in the process.. but rarely i managed to hav close quality ones.. tat when i start to emphasis strongly on building friendship.. but it seems tat tis brought many uncessary worries upon myself.. once surrounded by many ppl, i now find comfort from isolation.. i dun understand why im starting to close up again.. maybe becoz i tried too hard in building quantity friendships, n neglected quality friendships..
Academic is still my current biggest worry.. based on my current preformance despite my effort, my goal of entering SMU is getting further n further now.. How i used to underestimate A lvl in the past.. For once, im reali worried abt my future, my ability to take up the responisbility of getting into a gd uni, a gd degree, a gd job, the responsibility to take up the role as the only son in the family, my ability to give my family happiness.. Yes, i might worry too much, but its a fact tat the A lvl decides our future.. Tat one ting i reali hates abt singapore education system.. over emphasis on academic pursuit than talent development.. even if it is going to start now, its too late for many of us..
Im seriously lacking of motivation now.. dere ar times to be high n low.. but im seems to be in the regular side of low.. Irwin, the man of motivated many animanl conservatives around the world, died suddenly due a stab in the heart by my favourite seafood.. I guess tis shocked the world at tat time, many muz be disappointed, but life muz go on.. time and age wait for no one.. i do not wan to be the last to realise tat im the one being left behind..
Many thx to limhan, edmund, handzhong n weili for gathering together wif me to celebrate my b'dae at fish n co.. the most embrassing celebration i had.. thx hi-5 too for the gifts, will make gd use of them..
A personal thx to chenjie: thx for being dere most of the time when im down.. though we only noe each other for probably abt 1 n 1/2 yr, we managed to overcum many prob n enjoy happy times together.. U ar definately the one guy i will never forget in my life..
Prelims up in next week.. next abt 4 more weeks after tat will b the veri 1st A lvl paper.. soon it will be over, along with my chapter in Jc..
Artist : Yellowcard
Song : Only One
Broken this fragile thing now
And I can't, I can't pick up the pieces
And I've thrown my words all around
But I can't, I can't give you a reason
I feel so broken up (so broken up)
And I give up (I give up)
I just want to tell you so you know
Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go, there's just no one that gets me like you do
You are my only, my only one
Made my mistakes, let you down
And I can't, I can't hold on for too long
Ran my whole life in the ground
And I can't, I can't get up when you're gone
And something's breaking up (breaking up)
I feel like giving up (like giving up)
I won't walk out until you know
Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go, there's just no one who gets me like you do
You are my only my only one
Here I go so dishonestly
Leave a note for you my only one
And I know you can see right through me
So let me go and you will find someone
Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go, there's just no one, no one like you
You are my only, my only one
My only one
My only one
My only one
You are my only, my only one
...Happy Birthday...
